How to be a good friend to someone struggling with mental health issues

If you need to cry, laugh or forget about your worries for a little while, friends are an important support system. For those who live with mental illnesses, this social support can be really important.

What if you are a friend of someone who is having a tricky time with their own mental health? You might be wondering how you can help support them through a tough time. You don’t have to be a medical professional in order to really help support someone who is going through a period of mental ill-health, in fact sometimes it’s the little things that can make all the difference. Here are some ways you can help:

  • Ask twice – Ask someone how they’re doing. Then ask them again, how they’re really doing. The standard ‘I’m fine’ is often the go-to response we all use. But often, it’s not what’s really going on under the surface. So, ask again, as listen to the answer.
  • Send a text – sometimes just a quick message ‘checking in’ with a friend is all you need to do. People who are suffering with their own mental health don’t always fancy a full-on telephone conversation and a quick WhatsApp is all it takes to brighten someone’s day and lets them know that you’re thinking of them.
  • Give someone a call – Hearing a friendly voice is sometimes just the thing that someone needs to give them a lift, even if just temporarily, when they are struggling mentally. Check with your friend first, if they’d like to talk by phone. A good chat either by voice or face call can mean the world to someone who might be feeling isolated and down.
  • Make a social plan – Arrange a meet up. This doesn’t need to be anything complicated or big. A walk, a sit on a park bench with a coffee, a get together over lunch, or even an outdoor activity or sport like a   centre will give your friend something to look forward to, if they’re up for it. Start small and see how you go.
  • Listen – talking about your own mental health takes guts. It’s a brave thing to do. So, if your friend wants to tell you how they’re currently doing mentally, they might even want to confide things to you that they have struggled to tell anyone else, then take the time to listen. Don’t judge. Don’t blame. Don’t try and skip over it using humour as a defence mechanism. Just sit. And listen.
  • Support them to seek help – If they haven’t done so already, encourage your friends to seek help as soon as possible. This can be as simple as speaking to Student Services at college who will give the support and advice to take things forward. Encourage your friend to see their GP and, putting Covid safety first, even   if the prospect seems daunting to them.
  • Take it seriously and don’t criticise – the very worst thing you can do if someone opens up to you about struggling with their mental health issues, is to point fingers and criticise. Under no circumstances should you tell someone to ‘man up’, tell them they need to pull themselves together or be dismissive of how they are feeling. Confiding in you is probably the bravest thing they’ve done that day – you should take it seriously and show them that you are there for them.
  • Patience – people who struggle with mental ill health often make plans with the best of intentions, but on the day sometimes feel like they are not up to it. Be patient with them. Don’t label them as ‘flakey’ if they let you down, they are dealing with a host of issues that you might not fully understand but show that you are willing to try and that plans can be rescheduled. The most important thing is that they know you support them, no matter what.
  • Look after yourself – Of course, your own health is important too. Don’t neglect your own well-being. Take time for yourself and do what makes you happy so that you can be there in case someone close to you needs your support.